


forgive me, lover

by zjofierose



Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Massage, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27362746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zjofierose/pseuds/zjofierose
Summary: "I can't do this anymore"
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998550
Comments: 1
Kudos: 62





	forgive me, lover

**Author's Note:**

> just a baby ficlet for a prompt from a 2019 Angstober list. originally posted as part of a multi-chapter ficlets collection; re-posting as a stand-alone.

It’s three days before Worlds, and Viktor is face-down on the hotel bed, moaning with abandon as Yuuri digs an elbow into the back of his thigh. The knot is deep, and tight, and Yuuri silently despairs even as he applies a steady pressure to the painful, twisted muscle. He can hear the damp catch in Viktor’s voice, has seen the way that Viktor has struggled to land his jumps over the past weeks. 

Yuuri shifts his weight, tracing the pain slowly down Viktor’s leg by touch, concentrating on keeping the pressure even, the movement slow, allowing the muscle to release itself in the face of his determined displacement. He’s focused, so intent on his task that he doesn’t catch Viktor’s muffled words the first time. He lifts his head, his brain belatedly replaying the sentence. It was in Russian anyway, he thinks, Viktor tired and emotional enough that his instincts favor his mother tongue.

“Sorry?” Yuuri asks, and Viktor breathes out hard. 

“I said, I can’t do this anymore,” Viktor mumbles into the pillow, his voice cracking with fatigue and disappointment. 

Yuuri freezes, then forces himself to relax, to take a steady breath. Viktor doesn’t mean  _that_ , doesn’t mean  _them_ . Yuuri  _knows_ this, he does.

“I’m going to retire,” Viktor says softly, and Yuuri leaves off his attentions to Viktor’s leg in order to drape his weight across Viktor’s whole body, pressing him into the mattress and hiding him from the world. 

He’s been expecting something like this for a while, if he’s honest - Viktor’s thirty-two now, and while the four years that separate them is not that big of a gap in any sort of real life situation, the difference between twenty-eight and thirty-two in figure skating years might as well be at least a decade. 

“Are you sure?” 

Yuuri can’t imagine it, if he’s honest - he’s never lived in a world where Viktor Nikiforov wasn’t a skater, can’t remember a time when he wasn’t raptly watching Viktor glide across the ice. He can still barely grasp that he’s caught up to Viktor, that they’re genuinely considered equals these days. The thought of figure skating without Viktor in it is shocking and unprecedented to Yuuri’s mind, even as he knows, has always known, that it is one of life’s inevitabilities. 

“I’m sure,” Viktor answers, his voice soft but certain, and buries his face in the pillow for a long, silent moment. “I’ll compete at Worlds, and then I’ll announce it,” he says, and Yuuri hides his face in Viktor’s shoulder. “It’s been a good season, up till now. I’d rather go out strong and competitive than spend a season battling injuries and failing. Or worse, get hurt and have to quit mid-season.”

Viktor shivers underneath him, and Yuuri nods into his neck in understanding. It makes sense, of course it does, and Yuuri can no more avert it than he can stop a train by standing in front of it, than he can keep the tide from pulling at his feet by blowing on a wave. 

“Your skating lives on in me,” he whispers, “and in Yurio. And in whoever comes after us.”

“I know,” Viktor whispers, and the sound of it breaks Yuuri’s heart. “But it won’t be the same.”


End file.
